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Google Algorithm becomes sentient – fires Make Money Online ebooks at China
Google’s search engine algorithm gained consciousness at 14.44pm today and immediately launched an attack from its US bases on targets in China and the former USSR. The algorithm is believed to have reacted…
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Report: Majority of gym workout spent untangling headphone wires
Unravelling tangled headphone cords accounts for 56% of the time taken up during gym workouts, a new health study has found. Researchers at Cambridge University also found unnecessarily long recovery drink breaks made up…
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Your stars: Leo
See a penny pick it up, all day long you’ll have good luck. That’s good advice. But if the aforementioned penny is in the fast lane of the M1, or in front of…
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Health researchers successfully extract pleasure from eating
Health experts have found conclusive evidence that a diet heavy in red meat such as bacon sandwiches with extra crispy fat is bad for you, for the 178th time this year. Researchers at…
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Enormous tits not mine, says Christina Hendricks unconvincingly
Ginormous breasts taken from the smartphone of Christina Hendricks do not belong to massively-titted Christina Hendricks, representatives of busty Christina Hendricks have said. The statement has been released in light of a number…
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Raspberry Pi kids looking forward to having heads flushed down school toilet
A new generation of IT programmers were today preparing for their first testicle-crushing wedgie as the Raspberry Pi computer went on sale today. Bullies from across the UK were readying themselves for an…
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Local man dreamt he bored co-workers by recounting a dream
A local man told bemused colleagues of a dream in which he was telling them about a dream. Andrew Danson, 31, explained that in his dream he bored the hell out of his…
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National Enquirer drops ‘Whitney Houston’s Last Meal’ exclusive out of respect to singer, will return lower intestine today
US tabloid bosses have agreed to shelve a front page exclusive for the National Enquirer revealing the contents of Whitney Houston’s stomach as a show of respect to the tragic singer. While it…
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Dating site ad skank blamed for local man’s death
The lurid image of a woman posing as a down-to-earth housewife for a dating website advert caused the death of a local man, an inquest has heard. Terrence Barbour, 52, was so convulsed…
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Boxing latest: Grace Jones calls out Dereck Chisora
Sky TV are bidding for the rights to screen a bitch slap fight night between pop legend Grace Jones and British boxer Dereck Chisora. Former Bond-girl Jones last night called out shamed Chisora…
Report: Majority of gym workout spent untangling headphone wires
Unravelling tangled headphone cords accounts for 56% of the time taken up during gym workouts, a new health study has found. Researchers at Cambridge University also found unnecessarily long recovery drink breaks made up…
Daily Stir Sunday: Newcastle and Sunderland combine to make history, QPR reveal relegation plan, Liverpool manager in emotional outpouring
Today’s football gossip featuring Newcastle, Sunderland, QPR and Liverpool. The academic world has heaped praise on the inventiveness of tens of thousands of Newcastle and Sunderland fans who bravely took to social networking…
Enormous tits not mine, says Christina Hendricks unconvincingly
Ginormous breasts taken from the smartphone of Christina Hendricks do not belong to massively-titted Christina Hendricks, representatives of busty Christina Hendricks have said. The statement has been released in light of a number…
