Sex-swap Beckham resurrects England World Cup dream
David Beckham is to undergo a sex-change operation in a desperate bid to keep his World Cup dream alive, it was revealed last night. The 34-year-old LA Galaxy star hopes a complex eight-hour male to female…
Cricket chiefs defy alien warning in bid to win Ashes
Despite clear warnings not to contact aliens hovering on the fringes of our galaxy, the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) has issued a “come and join us” plea to extra terrestrials ahead…
Scientists ride Large Hadron Collider “like a Helter Skelter”
Bored scientists were caught on CCTV footage riding around the Large Hadron Collider at a velocity approaching the speed of light, it was revealed last night. Four junior physicists tasked with routine electronic…
Millionaire gambler thanks inept addiction counsellors
Gambling addict David Stuggs has donated a quarter of his £1.5million winnings to the staff at Gamblers Anonymous who failed to cure his addiction. “If they’d have succeeded in getting me back on…
Playboy Big Jugs expose shocks journalists
A staggering three out of four entertainment stories published by media organisations are rehashed press releases promoting dubious commercial products, it was claimed last night. Newspaper journalists in particular stand accused of lazily…
Video: Newcastle United’s relegation story is set to dance
Birmingham Royal Ballet star Djanka Veldon gives sneak preview of the company’s controversial new production Toon Gloom.
Rooney blasted after paltry 110% World Cup pledge backfires
England’s World Cup build up has been thrown into disarray after striker Wayne Rooney pledged to give a meagre 110 per cent commitment to winning the coveted trophy. The Manchester United forward dropped…
FA Cup latest: London pawnbrokers on red alert
Pawn shop owners were put on red alert last night amid fears Portsmouth could win the FA Cup. Metropolitan Police chiefs issued all pawnbrokers in the capital to be on the lookout for…
Video: Porn star fails to start mechanic’s engine
An adult movie star was unable to arouse a tool-toting mechanic, x-rated CCTV footage has revealed. Sasha Grey – best known for her roles in Butt Sex Bonanza and the seminal Throat: A…
