Google Algorithm becomes sentient – fires Make Money Online ebooks at China
Google’s search engine algorithm gained consciousness at 14.44pm today and immediately launched an attack from its US bases on targets in China and the former USSR. The algorithm is believed to have reacted…
Enormous tits not mine, says Christina Hendricks unconvincingly
Ginormous breasts taken from the smartphone of Christina Hendricks do not belong to massively-titted Christina Hendricks, representatives of busty Christina Hendricks have said. The statement has been released in light of a number…
TV Choice: Enforced Makeover and more of the weekend’s top telly
This week’s TV picks from The News Grind’s telly addict Hard Jackson… Soil (BBC4, ) A 14-part exploration of the enormous impact that soil has had on forming society as we know it. With…
No-one knows who’s buying cupcakes
Government sources say they do not know who is buying cupcakes, as official figures show that eight people in every hundred are now employed to make the sweet snacks. Cupcakes are believed to…
Tesco celebrates one millionth accidental BOGOF full charge incident
Supermarket giant Tesco was celebrating a retail landmark today – the accidental charging of two ‘buy one get one free’ items at their respective full prices. The incident represents the culmination of a…
TV Choice: The Great British Prostitute and more top telly
This week telly addict Hard Jackson goes in search of some stiffs… NEW! The Real Hustle Meets Cash In The Attic (BBC Three, Friday) New series showing techniques for conning old ladies out…
TV Choice: Pre-op Star to Opera Star and the rest of the weekend’s best telly
This week’s TV picks from The News Grind’s telly addict Hard Jackson… Justin Lee Collins’ Bring Back the IRA (Channel 4, Friday) JLC tries to track down stars of some of the bloodiest…
Local man pretends to like friends’ baby names
Local man Mark Royston says he is struggling to maintain the pretence that he likes the names his friends keep giving to their new offspring, writes Hard Jackson. Royston, 33, says he has…
Prince Philip applauded for abusing council worker
Prince Philip won warm applause from an audience of well-wishers after racially abusing a street cleaner on his way to church this morning, writes Hard Jackson. The Prince, 90, underwent heart surgery over…
Nick Clegg listening to Who You Are on repeat
Concern is growing for the wellbeing of Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, following several days of behaviour described by colleagues as ‘worrying’, writes Hard Jackson. Clegg has not been seen for some days…
