Excited local boy vowing not to squirt dad with garden hose, squirts dad
Despite repeated promises that he would not douse his dad in water from a garden hose while helping clean the family car, primary school pupil Nathan Wilcox did just that. Eye-witnesses reported that…
Dwarf claims top shelf porn mags infringe human rights
A dwarf is suing his local newsagent for a breach of human rights because he can’t reach pornographic magazines placed on the top shelf, writes Crispin Fisher. Part-time actor Fred Jarvis, 38, of…
Local man rues guilt-inspired porn purge
A local man ‘deeply regrets’ deleting a cherished collection of pornography, which included some rare early Bree Olsen performances, from his PC. Keith Houston, 33, spent months building up a 1.2Gb stash of…
Local woman to start diet on Monday, and she really means it this time
A local woman ‘really means it this time’ when she says she will quit drinking alcohol and eating fatty food on Monday. Secondary school teacher Alison Barnett will let herself ‘pig out’ this…
New lease of life for library reopened as a brothel
A man was shocked to discover his local library has only survived cut-backs by offering regular visitors porn and sex, writes Crispin Fisher. Tommy James, 62, was left reeling when he discovered the…
Hospitalised local man: ‘But she told me not to bother with a Valentine’s Day card’
A local man had his girlfriend’s shattered toenail surgically removed from his rear after failing to buy her a Valentine’s Day card. Geoff Smith was left in agony after heeding his partner of…
Local man quite impressed by latest organised crime drama from HBO
Local man Paddy Stem was quite impressed by the first episodes of Boardwalk Empire, the latest organised crime drama by HBO directed by Martin Scorsese and starring Steve Buscemi as a prohibition-era gangster,…
Local man’s OBE for graceful ascent of stationary escalator
A local man has been honoured by the Queen for solving one of life’s most profound mysteries – how to negotiate a broken escalator without looking drunk. Gerald Anderson, 52, received a Community…
Local man buys 24″ Star Wars toy 11 minutes after fathering a boy
A new father bought his son a two-foot Star Wars vehicle less than fifteen minutes after his wife gave birth. James Hill, 32, raced to his car seconds after 7lb 8oz Connor was…
Sunday Telegraph reveals top ten MILFs of 2010
The Sunday Telegraph’s long-awaited Top Ten MILFs of 2010 has been revealed, writes Hard Jackson. The list, compiled by local man Stuart Kidneystone, is the latest in a long line of annual awards…
