Happy Mondays reform despite being convinced they’re The Stone Roses
The Happy Mondays are to reform after promoters finally persuaded the original line-up that they weren’t The Stone Roses. Half the band have refused to reform as the Happy Mondays because they were…
Towie star Chloe Sims now just 65 per cent Chloe Sims
Cosmetic surgery has left The Only Way is Essex queen Chloe Sims consisting of just 65 per cent Chloe Sims, her agent revealed today. Tam Spangler, of Essex PR agency Grabya, fears the…
Queen declares Snuggie England’s official national costume
The fleece blanket with sleeves worn by millions of lard-arses mindlessly channel-hopping from their stinking sofas is to be honoured as England’s official national costume. The controversial move, rubber-stamped by the Government’s Cultural…
Westlife add 453 new dates to farewell tour
Westlife’s farewell tour is likely to last the next 20 years, the devastated boyband revealed today. “Breaking up the band has been a heart-breaking decision but we feel it’s important to make sure…
Stone Roses replace Westlife on CBeebies concert tour
The Stone Roses will resurrect their career by stepping into the matching brogues of Westlife to headline a CBeebies concert tour. John Squire, Mani, Ian Brown and Reni will reunite to perform some…
Brad Pitt insists his roller-skating zombies are scariest ever
Brad Pitt’s zombie movie epic World War Z will see the walking dead sport roller-skates for the first time in a major Hollywood horror movie. At a press conference to publicise the release…
Prince Philip of Grease – Duke of Edinburgh in Danny Zuko role
The curtain is about to go up on a West End musical promising ‘gaffes and laughs’ and celebrating the life and loves of penis-nosed royal Prince Philip. The Royal Box is a reimagining…
Wombles mistakenly booked to headline Glastonbury, U2 and Beyonce on litter-picking duty
Glastonbury founder Michael Eavis admits he has accidently booked The Wombles to headline the festival, leaving U2 and Beyonce to pick up litter after the event. The gaffe will see the furry critters…
Inaugural Twat’s Dictionary launched
The world’s first Twat’s Dictionary hits shops today, promising an in-depth guide to words and phrases used exclusively by twats, or by non-twats acting twattily, writes Hard Jackson. The dictionary has been compiled…
Mad Men delayed while viewers search for plot
The fifth season of ad drama Mad Men has been delayed until 2012 while viewers scour the existing 52 episodes for signs of a plot. The lack of a discernible story has caused…
