Turd on a turntable to replace axed My Family, say BBC
A steaming pile of animal excrement rotating slowly on a potter’s wheel is to replace TV sitcom My Family, the BBC revealed today. The rotating faeces is seen as the ideal like-for-like alternative…
Colin Firth vows: I will never star in an interesting film again
King of the Oscars Colin Firth says he will never appear in a compelling movie again, following the success of ‘worthy as fuck’ hit The King’s Speech. Best male Firth stars in the…
Star Wars Wookie spotted in George Lucas-remastered American Graffiti
Film director George Lucas has come under fire from critics over the latest digitally-remastered version of his 1973 coming-of-age movie American Graffiti. The Hollywood director went back into the studio to update the…
“I’m Mumford” Claims Mumford
Brit winners Mumford & Sons have been rocked by a legal challenge – from beyond the grave, writes Nigel Eels. For the chart-topping folkies are being sued by Mr Mumford from Rentaghost, who…
Tom Cruise to play Neil Kinnock in new movie
Hollywood midget Tom Cruise will step into the shoes of a political giant when he plays former Labour leader Neil Kinnock in a new film of the politician’s life. This first picture from…
EastEnders baby-eating storyline “to be treated sensitively” vows BBC
The bloody cannibal death of snatched EastEnders baby Tommy Moon has been toned down so as not to offend TV viewers, it was revealed last night. After a more than 3,000 complaints over…
Fury erupts as 146 minutes of new Harry Potter movie is leaked into cinemas
An investigation has been launched after it was revealed thousands of children were exposed to more than two hours of the tedious new Harry Potter film across the country. The latest outrage comes…
God ‘sick to death’ of churchgoers
Almighty God has ‘had it up to here’ with people who go to church, according to his sensational new autobiography. The omniscient creator of the universe hits out at ‘sycophantic tossers’ in his…
’10 ways to connect through $ocial media’ post wins Pulitzer Prize
In a move that has stunned the literary world, a post on the website SEOCashLeads.Biz advising on how to leverage social media has won a 2010 Pulitzer prize, writes Hard Jackson. The awards…
DOCTOR WHO EXCLUSIVE: Doctor defeated by IKEA flatpack
He’s faced Daleks, Cybermen and the Terrible Zodin, but the Gallifreyan time-traveller known as The Doctor has been stumped by his most deadly foe yet – a flatpack Faktum base cabinet with shelves…
