David Cameron honoured for services to Jeremy Kyle
The Prime Minister’s disappointment at record UK unemployment figures was tempered today when he was presented with a Services to Daytime TV award. “Thanks to the economic policy rigorously pursued by Mr Cameron…
Liam Fox admits defeat over conjoined twin excuse
Defence secretary Liam Fox has conceded that he is not joined at the hip to former best man Adam Werrity. Dr Fox, who has been struggling to explain his Tweedle Dee and Tweedle…
Ed Miliband: Labour will nationalise Stephen Fry
Labour leader Ed Miliband has outlined plans to nationalise Stephen Fry, if his party is elected in four years’ time. Miliband explained that taking Planet Word presenter Fry into public ownership is a…
Next Lib Dem conference to be held in Nick Clegg’s kitchen
The Liberal Democrats will convene around Nick Clegg’s kitchen table next year and accommodate all 7 remaining voters using emergency chairs stored under the deputy Prime Minister’s stairs. The Party is on course…
George Osborne: ‘I know someone who could whip economy into shape.’
Prime Minister David Cameron has moved quickly to quell fears Chancellor George Osborne is to employ a whip-wielding dominatrix to sort out the economic crisis. Speaking at a hastily convened press conference outside…
Osborne refuses to stop pouring petrol on flaming trousers
Chancellor George Osborne has one again refused to stop pouring petrol on his trousers, which have been aflame for some months, writes Hard Jackson. Amid fears that the Chancellor’s trousers will soon be…
Mystery of James Murdoch’s second nose reduction op
News Corporation’s James Murdoch has gone under the knife to correct a condition that causes his nose to spontaneously grow. It’s the second such operation in three months and comes a day after…
Ex-Minister’s shock revelation: ‘I really got on with Gordon Brown’
A former cabinet minister has rocked Westminster by revealing he enjoyed Gordon Brown’s company and had a good working relationship with the former Prime Minister. The ex-minister, who does not wish to be…
Cameron: ‘Rioters need a good, hard seeing to’
Prime Minister David Cameron has said rioting Britons simply need to be ‘bent over and given a good, hard seeing to.’ He has promised to ‘sort out’ 120,000 problem families in the UK…
George Osborne to become first serving MP with plastic heart
Chancellor George Osborne has revealed that he will have a plastic heart inserted into the empty cavity in the centre of his chest. Osborne followed in the footsteps of a string of leading…
