Disgraced knight Sir Fred runs lance through finance chief
RBS boss Fred Goodwin galloped into London last night atop his faithful steed to exact a terrible revenge on those who dared sully his name. The 53-year-old bedecked in full armour bearing…
Happy Mondays reform despite being convinced they’re The Stone Roses
The Happy Mondays are to reform after promoters finally persuaded the original line-up that they weren’t The Stone Roses. Half the band have refused to reform as the Happy Mondays because they were…
UK economy: ‘Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?’ asks Gates
Microsoft founder Bill Gates has advised the British Government to try resetting the economy in a bid to get it working again. “Have you checked you’ve got the latest Windows 7 Service Pack…
40 is the new 50, devastated women told
Hopes that 40 would remain the new 30 in 2012 were dashed today when the landmark milestone was reclassified by experts at women’s magazine Cosmopolitan. In a short statement from the company’s features…
Tesco celebrates one millionth accidental BOGOF full charge incident
Supermarket giant Tesco was celebrating a retail landmark today – the accidental charging of two ‘buy one get one free’ items at their respective full prices. The incident represents the culmination of a…
Utter lack of respect for Wales now only redeeming feature of Tony Blair’s premiership
An explosive new book accusing Tony Blair of never giving “proper respect and attention” to Wales has boosted the former PM’s popularity, a new poll has revealed. Nine out of 10 respondents in…
MoD cuts latest: McDonald’s cleaners now Britain’s fourth largest military force
UK fast food restaurants and call centres will have the necessary manpower to mount an full-scale military invasion by 2015 thanks to Ministry of Defence cuts, it was revealed today. Almost 5,000 Army,…
Eating free Michael Morpurgo children’s books now healthiest Happy Meal option at McDonald’s
The low salt and fat content of children’s books given away by fast food restaurant McDonald’s are officially the healthiest option in the Happy Meal range, a report has revealed. Eating just one chapter…
Scotland independence row: Who gets The Krankies?
The future of Scotland could hinge on the outcome of a tug of war between the UK government and politicians north of the border over ownership of comedy duo The Krankies. Prime Minister David…
HS2 high-speed trains will reach phone signal pockets in under an hour
Transport Secretary Justine Greening says a new high-speed rail network will ensure commuters will get a signal on their mobile phone as often as once every 50 minutes. Plans for the £33bn HS2…
