Kim Jong-il O2 arena tickets – full refund offered
Fans who bought tickets for former North Korean leader Kim Jong-il’s sell out O2 arena dates will get their money back. Organisers AEG Live advise people who planned to attend the This Is…
Higgs boson failure tempered by Cern’s surprise discovery of Lord Lucan
Cern scientists hunting the elusive God Particle have found Lord Lucan instead, it was revealed today. “He was behind one of the generators,” Cern’s director-general Rolf-Dieter Heuer told a packed press conference this…
Kepler 22-b favourite to host 2026 FIFA World Cup
A newly discovered Earth-like planet is FIFA president Sepp Blatter’s preferred choice to host the 2026 World Cup. Kepler 22-b is understood to be the perfect next step in Blatter’s bid to take…
Bieber Fever symptoms ‘resemble morning sickness’
It’s a condition that has confounded medics since pop sensation Justin Bieber hit the music charts in 2009, but doctors have finally pinpointed the telltale signs of ‘Bieber Fever’. And despite fears of…
Possibility Greeks are just fucking with us, warns Cameron
David Cameron believes European leaders should remain open to the idea that Greek premier George Papandreou is fucking with everyone over plans to hold a bail out referendum. At Prime Minister’s Questions the…
Rescuers struggle to be featured in ‘rescued baby’ pictures
Turkish rescue personnel face a desperate struggle to be featured in stills or moving images of babies being rescued from rubble in earthquake-stricken Ercis. As the number of people rescued from collapsed buildings…
Apple announces Steve Jobs S
The death of Steve Jobs at 56 has forced Apple to bring forward the announcement of its Steve Jobs S model. The electronics giant had hoped to unveil the much-anticipated Steve Jobs 2,…
CSI Perugia cancelled by network
Amanda Knox’s acquittal over the murder of British student Meredith Kercher has forced CBS network chiefs to shelve plans for the first CSI spin-off set outside the United States. CSI Perugia was canned…
Selfless FBI agents cancel leave to join Scarlett Johansson nude photo leak probe
Hollywood actress Scarlett Johansson today thanked the FBI after it was revealed every single male agent in the Bureau selflessly volunteered to find out how nude photos of the star ended up on…
Scarlett Johannson nude photos reveal upside of phone hacking, says MP
Leaked photographs of Hollywood star Scarlett Johansson’s arse and breasts are evidence phone hacking can have a positive impact, admits a campaigning politician. Anti-hacking Labour MP Tom Watson says he could have been…
