CEO sees enormous growth opportunities, yawning abyss of despair
Tech start-up Astonish! Microsystems’ David Legand bullishly predicted ‘enormous growth opportunities’ for his California SME today, writes Hard Jackson. Legand sees revenues at A!M increasing year-on-year and brand equity expanding exponentially – but…
Red-faced Brits cancel 9/11 memorial event set for November 9
A British plan to commemorate the appalling 9/11 attacks in America has been axed after organisers realised they had got their dates mixed up. A solemn ceremony was due to be held by…
West calls for slightly less murderous Middle East leaders
Western leaders have slammed tyrannical regimes in Libya and Syria, calling for violent people to take power by force – as nicely as possible. Claiming that the regimes in unstable countries across the…
Gaddafi still controls 20% of his marbles
Defiant Libyan leader Col Muammar Gaddafi is still battling to cling to his failing sanity. In an audio speech the colonel denied rebel claims he had lost his marbles, saying he has control…
BREAKING NEWS: Heavy fighting near Tripoli Footlocker
Libyan rebels are closing in on key targets in Tripoli, engaging troops loyal to Colonel Gaddafi near a Footlocker in the heart of the city. Eye-witnesses say a Labrokes has fallen into rebel…
European debt crisis not so bad when revealed by man in wig
European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso’s grave warning that the sovereign debt crisis is spreading beyond the periphery of the eurozone was tempered last night by his wearing of a syrup. Despite his…
Tiny condoms found in $1.8m Michael Jackson Thriller jacket
The leather jacket worn by Michael Jackson in his Thriller video has thrown up a mini mystery with the discovery of tiny condoms in the pocket. A packet of three rubber contraceptives was…
Health chiefs warn public to limit cucumber-use to kinky sex acts
Food Standards Agency officials reacted to the cucumber E.coli scare today by urging people in the UK to limit use of the vegetable in the home to sexual activity only. FSA chief executive…
Mladic requests hearing in front of FIFA Ethics Committee
Bosnia war crimes suspect Ratko Mladic wants his case to be heard by the same FIFA Ethics Committee that cleared Sepp Blatter of bribery charges. The ex-Bosnian Serb army chief, who stands accused…
Prince Philip locked in basement for Obama visit
President Obama will not meet rabid consort Prince Philip on his visit to the UK. Downing Street officials fear reprisals from the US if the Duke of Edinburgh utters a word in the…
