£5bn mobile phone waste bill ‘mostly down to Blackberry mums’
Mothers who spend more time using their Blackberry phones than they do speaking to their children are wasting billions of pounds, according to a new report. The overspend equates to hundreds of pounds…
Professor Brian Cox clocks up enough air miles for trip to Uranus
Down-to-earth stargazer Professor Brian Cox flew so many miles for his Wonders Of The Universe mini series he can now claim a free 3.2billion-mile round trip to Uranus. The Liam Gallacher of physics…
Revolutionary smart phone boasts telephone functionality
A ground-breaking phone that allows users to telephone people was unveiled this week. Makers Nokia promise the 3210x even works as a voice-to-voice communication device inside your house. They have not guaranteed telephone…
Eating humans can reduce risk of exaggerated cancer claims – study
Turning cannibal and eating university researchers has been found to reduce the number of exaggerated health claims, it was revealed last night. A three-year study which saw a team from Newcastle University track…
Facebook buys aircraft carrier as Cold War with Google escalates
In a move that has alarmed sovereign Western states, Facebook is understood to have purchased an aircraft carrier from Russia, writes Hard Jackson. The Admiral Kuznetsov class multirole aircraft carrier Zaroff has been…
Twitter joke trial: Man guilty of threat to blow up sex doll
A man convicted of menacing behaviour for threatening to blow up an anatomically correct inflatable woman in a Twitter joke has lost his appeal. Red-faced Adam Chandler, a 28-year-old accountant, appealed against a…
Apple chief Steve Jobs overjoyed with crap iPhone application
Apple today unveiled a new iPhone application that lets the world know when you’re having a shit, writes Crispin Fisher. The innovative iPoo iPhone app sends texts to all your contacts and automatic…
’10 ways to connect through $ocial media’ post wins Pulitzer Prize
In a move that has stunned the literary world, a post on the website SEOCashLeads.Biz advising on how to leverage social media has won a 2010 Pulitzer prize, writes Hard Jackson. The awards…
Vacuous Big Brother winners to be fired through Hadron Collider
The former winning contestants battling it out in the Ultimate Big Brother house will be brought to the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva, accelerated to a velocity just shy of the speed of…
Female masturbation is a myth
Women never masturbate unless they are being watched by a man, a leading scientist has confirmed. Dr Anika Schmidt of the University of Budapest surveyed 800 women, assuring them that no men would…
