Angry Blackburn Rovers fans demand defeat
Blackburn Rovers fans calling for the head of manager Steve Kean have pleaded with the club to work harder in stringing together a series of damaging defeats. “All we want is a bit…
Manchester United fans axe Wesley Sneijder lookalike convention
The annual Wesley Sneijder lookalike convention has been put back to the summer after complaints from irate Manchester United fans. The national event sees hundreds of Sneijder lookalikes descend on Manchester to celebrate…
Banned Suarez to enjoy traditional Uruguayan New Year abusing family and friends
Liverpool striker Luis Suarez is to take his break from Premier League controversy and enjoy a traditional festive gathering in Uruguay happily abusing his neighbours. After receiving a one-match ban and £20,000 fine…
Terry thought ‘black c*nt’ meant ‘great friend’
Chelsea and England captain John Terry says a racial epithet allegedly spoken by him is a great term on endearment in his home land of Barking. “What Anton Ferdinand doesn’t realise is that…
Alan Hansen not sure what he’s apologising about, but does it anyway
Match of the Day pundit Alan Hansen has issued an apology for something he said on the show, despite being unsure of which word caused offence, he revealed today. The former Liverpool defender…
Manchester United’s Darren Fletcher takes extended break from football, signs for Stoke City
Manchester United midfielder Darren Fletcher is to take a break from football by playing in Stoke City’s midfield. United boss Alex Ferguson agreed to a loan move to the Potters to “give the…
Glum Steve Bruce cheers himself up signing online Sack Steve Kean petition
Ex-Sunderland manager Steve Bruce has made his first move back into football today by adding his name to an online petition calling for the head of Blackburn Rovers boss Steve Keane. The former…
Kepler 22-b favourite to host 2026 FIFA World Cup
A newly discovered Earth-like planet is FIFA president Sepp Blatter’s preferred choice to host the 2026 World Cup. Kepler 22-b is understood to be the perfect next step in Blatter’s bid to take…
Stoke City’s Jermaine Pennant chrome-wraps his pet dogs
Stoke star Jermaine Pennant has been cautioned by police after chrome-wrapping his pet dogs, it was revealed today. Passers by alerted police after spotting the stricken animals early yesterday whimpering in the front…
Blatter insists his Movember Hitler moustache is simply misunderstood
Fifa president Sepp Blatter claims his new Adolf Hitler-style moustache is not racially offensive but has been misunderstood by the world’s press. The under-fire soccer supremo sported the controversial small black moustache when…
