Sean Penn is working with the Argentina military to release a three-hour sequel to the movie Shanghai Surprise if the UK refuses to give up its rights to the Falkland Islands, it was revealed today.
The plot, dubbed the Movie of Mass Destruction, has been uncovered by British Army intelligence, just hours after the US actor publicly backed Argentina over the South Atlantic islands.
It is understood Penn will reunite with his ex-wife Madonna to inflict a double DVD of Shanghai Surprise 1 and 2, if a diplomatic solution to the conflict cannot be found.
An Army intelligence spokesman said: “The UK is taking this threat very seriously and has for time being placed a 30 mile exclusion zone around Madonna to protect the British people from another Shanghai Surprise ordeal.”
As the News Grind went to press, the RAF was understood to be sending out Prince William to launch a helicopter attack on Penn, despite the actor being at least 2,000 miles from his estranged wife.
An RAF spokesman said: “The exclusion zone is just a guide. We prefer to bomb first and measure later.
“Anyway, there are real fears that Penn may have already completed a sequel to We’re No Angels. If this is true, then may the Lord have mercy on our souls.”