Cheryl Cole is in a state of shock after learning that eccentric former X Factor contestant Wagner is her biological father, writes Crispin Fisher.
The discovery came to light when police carried out DNA tests on the saliva of contestants and judges working on the show. They were investigating a series of threatening letters to producer Simon Cowell and claims that herbal cigarettes were being smoked in the live show changing rooms.
Chief Supt David Anderson said: “We were very surprised when we found two spit samples that were identical. We cross checked them and when they were re-tested it soon became clear that Cheryl and Wagner were father and daughter.”
The news will not come as a shock to millions of X Factor fans who had voted for Wagner in their droves, wowed by his Cheryl Cole-like vocal prowess.
Due to strict new guidelines police were not allowed to directly inform Cheryl that Wagner was her father but they were able to inform her that she shared her DNA with some one else working on the show.
Instead a fabricated cannabis story has been used as a cover in a bid to hush the shock news.
When Cheryl quizzed her mum about who it might be a tearful Joan was forced to admit she had once had a drunken one night stand with the Brazilian crooner.
A close friend of Britain’s only attractive Geordie said: “Cheryl was in pieces when she found out that she was Wagner’s daughter she has not stop crying since hearing the news.”
A source behind the scenes of the X Factor even speculated that the news is partially to blame for Wagner’s exit and impending cruise ship career.
“Wagner has been totally off his game since he heard that this fling had born him a Geordie child,” he said.
“It was a bit like when Luke and Princess Leia fancied each other in Star Wars. He kept hitting on her, telling her she was beautiful and that he would like to kiss her on the lips.
“When he discovered the truth he just lost it and his singing went from glass-shatteringly bad to suicide-inducing. For the voting audience that meant he just wasn’t funny anymore and the phones stopped ringing for him. These other rumours flying around are just nonsense.”
> Meanwhile, in betting news, William Hill have stopped taking bets on Wagner and Cheryl dueting on a Christmas version of We Are Family in a bid to clinch the festive number one spot.
