Singer George Michael has been sentenced to eight weeks in prison, where he will have access to lots of cock-hungry men and drugs, writes Tom Allsopp.
The 47-year-old former Wham man will serve at least four weeks inside after crashing his car while under the influence of cannabis.
And the star has been warned his jail time will be “no picnic,” despite the fact drugs and ribbed condoms are standard issue for UK prisoners.
Michael was also fined £1,250 – or three minutes earnings – at Highbury Corner Magistrates Court in London and given a five-year driving ban.
The judge sentencing the singer commented that he hoped that the time in prison would allow Michael to clear his head and get his life back on track.
Summing up Judge John Perkins said: “You must accept, Mr Michael, that there will be cock on tap in prison. Cock for breakfast, cock for lunch, cock for tea and cock for supper.
“Drugs will be in free supply too. And I expect you to resist the urge to fall back into bad habits.”
A spokesman for the star said: “George is a tough cookie. Something tells me he’ll make it through.
“Although if they make him wear one of those ghastly boiler suits he’ll never be able to show his face in Hampstead again.”