Sick Channel Four bosses have sanctioned the return of deceased reality TV star Jade Goody for the last ever series of Big Brother.
Goody, who shot to fame in the house in 2002 by describing her genitals as a kebab, will appear as a spirit in BB 11 and is set to cause havoc with the housemates.
“Jade was mischievous in life, and she will be just as naughty in death,” said series assistant producer Daniel Cane.
“Housemates will first learn of a strange presence when we let off a peculiar odour in the showers. Then we’ll start piping in audio of mutterings when they are asleep, before finally letting them see their tormentor in glimpses.
“But the joke will be on the contestants when they realise we signed a pre-death agreement with Jade to ensure her spirit will actually appear.”
“It’s basically BB meets Most Haunted. The viewers are going to love it.”
The only clue to Jade’s return so far has been Channel Four’s funeral teaser advert which shows former housemates dancing around a grave.
>> Win a copy of EA’s FIFA World Cup game on PS3, Xbox 360 or PSP
Jade is the most famous and controversial person to have graced the Big Brother house – and this will be her third time on the show.
She returned to BB in 2007, appearing in the celebrity edition and causing a racism storm by referring to Indian actress Shilpa Setty as ‘Shilpa Poppadom’.
The final Big Brother gets underway with a launch episode on Wednesday, June 9. A whopping seventy contestants are expected to take part in the programme’s biggest ever series.
Housemates will be set tasks including filling kebabs blind-folded in homage to Goody, who died after being diagnosed with cervical cancer in March 2009.
The series will climax with a seance in which Jade will be ‘resurrected’ as a computer generated version of herself – unless the housemates actually manage to contact her spirit as planned – a move defended by Cane.
He said: “It’s all a bit of fun. We don’t go in for exploitation and titillation on Big Brother.
“But I can say that we have air-lifted in the biggest hot tub in the UK and we’ve signed up some of the randiest ever housemates.
“It’s a pity we’re not doing the twenty-four hour broadcasting because there is bound to be some shagging, or at least a couple of bjs.”
Goany
June 8, 2010
Who has the time to sit there and make all this up?