Local man discovers Babestation and Sexcetera when wife is out at work’s party

Born-again local man Dave Smith has vowed to turn his back on doing the dishes and housework when his wife is out after discovering free soft porn.

Dave, 36, from Milton Keynes, says he was unaware of shows such as Eurotrash: The Sexy Bits, US boob-ogle extravaganza Sexcetera and naughty phone-in channel Babestation.

“A pal asked me what I was doing when my wife was out and I told him ‘the usual – putting the kids to bed, sorting the finances and making sandwiches for tomorrow’s lunch’.

“He laughed and said he was getting a pizza and settling in with a box of tissues and his ‘old mate Tommy Tank’.”

Dave’s friend went on to describe a world of fishnet tights stretched across jiggling, generous female bottoms and bikini briefs pulled up to reveal stubbly inner thighs. His interest was piqued.

The ink cartridge salesman rushed home and flicked on Babestation – well-known as a retirement home for washed up strippers and also-ran glamour models with boss eyes.

“I didn’t know my telly went up to the 900s. I was, like, ‘how many bloody channels have I got?’

“At first I wasn’t sure that watching a 45-year-old hag simulating oral sex on a phone handset would do it for me. But I figured ‘this is better than picking the wife’s clotted hairs out of the bath plug hole’ and went with the flow.

“I feel like my eyes have been opened to a whole new world.”

Soon Dave was spending a fortune on new clothes and hairdos for his wife, encouraging her to go out for a drink to get to know her colleagues every Friday.

Meanwhile he had invested in a Sky Plus box after another tip off from his anonymous pal.

“Wow! Sky Plus has changed my life,” he said.

“Now I record the ten-minute freeviews of the Adult Channel, Spice and anything else on the fringes of the programme list.

“The missus is out next Wednesday, which is ideal because it’s Big Jugs night on Channel X.”

Despite a mix-up when Dave accidentally recorded the God channel, he is determined to pursue his new hobby, and his next stop is the internet.

“I only used the internet to send emails and to get directions from multimap. But apparently you can see videos of all sorts on there.

“Roll on my wife’s annual trip to the three-day San Diego Carpet Conference.

”Does anyone know how you spell ‘Christina Hendricks’?”