A sperm bank has implored its most prolific contributor to stop making ‘deposits’.
Strapping Ben Burley, 32, has become such an enthusiastic regular at the Merseyside Donation Trust the institution has been forced to close the doors to his semen.
“Mr Burley is in here every day, propping up the reception like a drunk at a bar,” said Trust manager Simon Green.
“We are growing seriously concerned about genetic health issues in Liverpool as so many children are the fruit of Mr Burley seemingly unstoppable loins.
“As a result he has been asked to take a few months off while we balance things out a little.”
Mr Burley, who wears special easy-access ‘sperm pants’ for his trips to the clinic, says he is devastated by the news.
“I feel like I’m in mourning,” he said. “Giving sperm is a major part of my life.
“It’s just not the same giving it to the inside of a hardened sock, or to the shower wall. It just doesn’t seem right.”
And Ben has made the act of donation into something of an art form. He has even been building up to a world record attempt.
“There’s a bloke in India who has splashed in a cup eight times in a row,” he explained.
“I read that in the Guinness Book of Records and thought ‘I could do that’.
“I’ve been slowly building up to nine times in a row since I was 13, and now I feel like my dreams have been shattered.”
Ben says he is finding it increasingly difficult to arouse himself away from the donation centre.
Without the aid of well-worn porn magazines and a nurse just feet away beyond the door he says the act of ejaculation is near impossible.
He said: “I love giving sperm. What could be better?
“You get a comfy room, free grot and some money for your trouble.
“I’m being paid for doing someone I love – me. How many people can say that?”