David Cameron will announce an ambitious plan to put Britain back on the map of world powers after the Christmas recess.
The Prime Minister wants to invade several countries, virtually enslave their population and profit from their natural resources. He will offer locals the chance to die in a British uniform in return.
It is understood Mr Cameron prefers a move to seize any territory where weapons technology has not advanced beyond spears and shields.
A Number Ten insider told The News Grind: “This is an elegant solution and would set us up perfectly for a war with the French.
“It’s about time we got our self esteem back and returned to our core values of abusing defenceless nations to prop up our upper classes.
“I mean, do you have any idea how much it costs to run a country estate when you can’t ship in a few natives to serve cucumber sandwiches on the lawn?”
Mr Cameron will test the water with Lib Dem colleagues before publicly outlining his plans.
It is thought deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg would be very cross about the scheme. And some Liberal Democrats believe their leader would stay away from the Commons for up to two days before returning to confirm the coalition will remain intact, should the plan be put into action.
Mr Cameron has gone on record to spell out why Britain is facing a future on the fringe of European politics.
He said: “The recent treaty would have handed something to Europe, I think. They’d probably want to make all our bananas straight or ban pints of beer.
“Thank goodness we put a stop to something like that. Probably.”
