Satan has hit back at the Archbishop of Canterbury – who criticised the coalition government – by pledging his ‘unending support’ for David Cameron.
Beezlebub – who served as UK Prime Minister between 1979 and 1990 – said Dr Rowan Williams was as out of touch and claimed the church leader had stolen his eyebrows.
The Devil praised David Cameron and the Conservatives, outlining that he can offer plenty of work for idle hands in the wake of swingeing cuts to public services and thousands of redundancies.
Satan did express some regret that the shelving of proposed changes to the justice system means there will be fewer murders at a time when people are “living too long as it is”.
Though reforms to the NHS, he said, would be “great for business down here.”
The Wicked One issued an angry warning to Dr Rowan Williams in a two-minute tirade recorded on a Betamax video and broadcast on Al Zazeera last night.
“Dr Rowan Atkinson. You were great in Mr Bean, but this is not on,” he said.
“Stop this sniping or I will strike down Sir Cliff Richard, but not before I get him to record 86 songs to be released every December and battle with a succession of X Factor winners for the coveted Christmas number one spot.
“I despise you.”
The suddenly hospitable Hell resident added: “Mind you, I’ve got a lovely, toasty seat right next to me ready for Nick Clegg.”