Chancellor George Osborne promised a ‘final solution’ to Britain’s mounting economic problems in his emergency Budget today.
Flanked by uniformed Liberal Democrats Mr Osborne said: “Everyone who looks a bit foreign will be asked to leave the UK, and that’s just for starters.
“Vacant jobs will be handed to those patriots who are flying England football flags from their car windows.”
He also pledged to:
>> Invest in a new network of high-speed rail tracks to ensure all trains run on time.
>> Double the size of Britain’s Armed Forces, building a fleet of warships and 650 new stealth aircraft
>> Annexe Ireland, then ‘go for the rest of Europe, if we can get China on board’
Other measures outlined in today’s Budget include:
>> The establishment of a Cameron Youth organisation to ‘keep hoodies busy’
>> A 50% tax on ‘foreign muck’ in restaurants
>> A pledge to ensure every child has access to a copy of the Daily Mail at school
>> A full New Romantic makeover of all military uniforms
>> A national goose-step day for all citizens
>> And the liberal application of beatings to all citizens who dare defy our great leader Oberfuhrer Cameron
