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Chancellor George Osborne has one again refused to stop pouring petrol on his trousers, which have been aflame for some months, writes Hard Jackson.
Amid fears that the Chancellor’s trousers will soon be completely consumed by fire, the Chancellor has been urged by economists and politicians from all sides to refrain from adding more flammable liquid to his britches.
And the heir to the Osborne baronetcy went even further, claiming he intended to add another dash of kerosene and paraffin to the heated mixture surrounding his slacks.
Osborne did admit that the short-term prospects for the survival of his breeches had worsened recently, but maintained that his trousers were best-placed to make a full recovery of all the flaming trousers in the world.
The Chancellor blamed the former Labour administration for the fire raging below his waistline and has resisted repeated attempts by Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls to extinguish the flames licking at his nether regions.
Stronger European economies have managed to stem similar fires with recourse to water and fire-retardant blankets and pressure is growing on Osborne to consider a strategy other than repeatedly dousing his own trousers in petrol as a means of putting out the hellish blaze.
But Osborne has stated that there is “no Plan B” when it comes to the pantaloon inferno, despite fears that his rigid approach will render his trousers a blackened, charred mess.
