Health experts have found conclusive evidence that a diet heavy in red meat such as bacon sandwiches with extra crispy fat is bad for you, for the 178th time this year.
Researchers at Harvard Medical School are now just two study findings away from breaking the 1,000 mark in proving red meat is bad for you, it was revealed today.
Harvard Professor Jean Matlock said: “We’re delighted to report once again that that the ingestion of red meat increases the risk of death from cancer and heart problems.
“Not only is this report the 178thtime we’ve proved it this year, but the 19th this week. We’re confident that by the end of the month, we’ll have proved for the thousandth time that sausage sarnies and other pleasurable meat-
based products will kill you in the end.”
As the News Grind went to press, new shock research from Harvard suggests that large carnivorous mammals often defecate in areas heavily populated by trees.