Louis Walsh has secretly set-up Europe’s biggest call centre to ensure Wagner wins in the X Factor – and help boost the Irish economy.
The dwarfish music mogul has created 13,000 jobs at a disused potato field in County Tipperary, where workers call the vote line non-stop during the 22-hour period it is open.
The brain cell behind Boyzone is officially the only man in the Republic with a bank account in the black and has decided that with so many people on the dole in his homeland he has to do his bit to get money circulating in the economy.
He pays workers €2 an hour and team leaders, who include the Nolan sisters, Eurovision winner Johnny Logan and members of Hothouse Flowers, get €2.50.
Walsh is hoping to recoup his outlay through his contract with the Dudley-based Brazilian, which guarantees a 97% cut of any panto earnings Wagner may get over the next 33 years.
Fellow X Factor judges are considering setting-up similar schemes in a bid to ensure their acts win. It is understood Simon Cowell has purchased a village in India to back One Direction, while Cheryl Cole is looking at hiring 1,500 pensioners in Gateshead as part of her ‘Vote Cher’ campaign.
It has not been possible to find anyone willing to back Katie Waissel.
OMG
November 8, 2010
What kind of retarded shit is this
WTF
November 15, 2010
Is this a joke, that is the stupidest thing ive ever heard … did yous really have nothing better to print? News isnt supposed to be fiction people.
chuckling a lot
November 15, 2010
WTF and OMG’s responses almost funnier than the article itself
Joe
November 20, 2010
Yeah I know you’re trying to be funny but come on lol… bit lame really. And I hate Louis Walsh. Saying that, do you really think Bono’s in a huge amount of debt?
charlie
November 23, 2010
Can’t figure out why Louis would put Wagner in the show unless he meant it as a joke? Who the hell is it that is voting for this guy? All the crazies? I thought the U.S. had a pretty substantial monopoly on numbskulls, but now I see that GB
has plenty as well!
Paul King
November 23, 2010
Oh, lighten up, people. The article is amusing because it sends up those who set themselves up to be ridiculed. And those voting for Wagner (whose name Walsh still can’t pronounce) are not bonzos, but people who will get pleasure out of seeing this awful programme fail. The only thing that makes the show watchable is the fixing – contestants sing what they’re told to sing, not what they want … so-called “judges” are not impartial, but vote for their own acts … the audience, probably whipped up into a frenzy by hyper-active studio managers, shout and scream over the performances and the judges’ comments. It’s appalling television, but it’s so bad it’s watchable.