UK fast food restaurants and call centres will have the necessary manpower to mount an full-scale military invasion by 2015 thanks to Ministry of Defence cuts, it was revealed today.
Almost 5,000 Army, RAF and Royal Navy staff were axed today by the MoD leaving McDonald’s chiefs and call centre recruitment staff bracing themselves for an influx of job applications from redundant squaddies.
“Surely there’s something quite reassuring about knowing the man serving your Big Mac and fries can take out a small Afghan village, if required,” said McDonald’s chief Nathan Tumulty, welcoming the move today.
“If they can wipe out a unit of Iraqi insurgents, wiping down a front counter should be a doddle. A cleaning team of trained killers will have its advantages I’m sure.
“Some of our vending machines can be little temperamental which is why we are particularly keen to recruit bomb disposal experts from the military for our back of house frying teams.”
Under government cuts, the Army is to reduce its fighting force by 100,000 in the next eight years.
“With more than 100,000 weapons experts in the British job market we will have a highly skilled army of cleaners and call centre workers that will be the envy of the world,” said Defence Secretary Philip Hammond.
“These trained kille
McDonald's: Britain's last line of McDefence
rs will make invading country’s think again. Though, I accept, employers will have understandable difficulties trying to get a 12-year Iraq black ops veteran to mop up the sick in the Gents on a Friday night.”
