News International boss Rupert Murdoch was killed and his body dumped in the sea as part of a special welcome ceremony organised on behalf of the British public today.
Prime Minister David Cameron is understood to have called in some favours from his pal Barack Obama to lay on Navy Seal Team Six as the surprise welcoming committee following the News of the World phone hacking scandal.
“It was the least we could do for the British public,” said Mr Cameron today laughing hysterically at a photograph of the News International owner with a bullet through his head.
“After Team Six took out Osama Bin Laden earlier this year, Barack had always said we could call on his Navy Seals to deal with any undesirables, and this looked like one of the those situations.”
Mr Murdoch was due in Britain today to oversee the final edition of the News of the World (NoW) this Sunday.
A NoW spokesman said: “We are happy to thank Mr Murdoch for providing us with a front page story that ensures the final edition of the News of the World will be its biggest ever seller.”
As the News Grind went to press, News International CEO Rebekah Brooks was scrabbling around the foothills of Pakistan for a cave she could call home for the next two decades.