Britain has been gripped by gun fever with schoolchildren, OAPs and the unemployed gathering around televisions in the hope of seeing alleged gunman Raoul Moat shot at by police, writes Hard Jackson.
And bosses at the nation’s biggest media organisations are using their most experienced and sensitive news teams to ensure this delicate manhunt is turned into a rip-roaring spectator sport.
News reporters and cameramen set up camp in Rothbury, Northumberland, after police erected a two-mile cordon around the town, believed to be Moat’s hiding place.
Live camera crews have been deployed in the hope they will capture the best footage of Moat being involved in a Rambo-style shoot-out in the woods.
“Talk about great, cheap telly,” said news broadcast analyst David Spacey. “It’s like Rambo in First Blood, but for real. For the cost of creating ten seconds of a single episode of The Pacific Sky will have 72 hours of live broadcasting on 12 channels, with a potentially explosive climax. And it’s all in HD.
“The nation can’t wait to see what will happen. Especially now Britain’s Got Talent has finished.”
The potential bloodbath has certainly caught the imagination of disillusioned sports fans, particularly after the disappointment of England’s performance in the World Cup and our poor showing at Wimbledon.
“I can scarcely wait for the climax,” confirmed Elsie White, 77, as she raced back to her house after picking up some toffees and copies of today’s paper from a local newsagent featuring the blood-soaked face of a police officer allegedly shot by Moat.
“We haven’t had a live event like this to enjoy for quite some time and there’s only old Doctors episodes on at this time of day.”
Families have been collecting children from schools and nurseries throughout the day so they could watch together, as expectations reached fever pitch that a violent firearms confrontation was imminent. Over 800 schools have closed across the country as a result.
The Confederation of British Industry confirmed that many UK firms would be on downtime as employees huddled around screens to see the live feed of Kay Burley on Sky News whipping up anticipation of the shooting.
News networks went into overdrive, as specially-created dramatic music stings and ominous 3D drawings were rushed to broadcast ahead of the expected shooting.
News channels are expecting a big spike from the coverage, while criminology experts, illustrators and weapons enthusiasts have been given the day off work in anticipation of heavy demand in coming days.
A concerned Rothbury resident, who did not want to be named, made this heartfelt plea to The News Grind today: “If anybody has seen the gunman Raoul Moat, can you please tell him that the whole England team shagged his girlfriend too.”
>> This article has been updated.
Doris
July 8, 2010
I live in Rothbury and this morning i was awokened by a deafening loud rumbling sound. My cottage was shaking. I thought Raoul Moat himself was trying to break down my door to shoot me. Quickly i looked out the window and to my astonishment the street was full of tanks and APC’s. It was like D-DAY had come to Rothbury. Then about a dozen Apache gunships flew really low over my cottage.
A soldier knocked on my door and when i answered it, he told me not to worry and it’ll be all over soon as they have called in a B-52 airstrike and that the Doctor himself is involved in the hunt too. I think he meant Doctor Who.
Oh, it’s terribly frightening and exciting at the same time. I haven’t felt like this since me Harold gave me one up against a Biffa bin in broad daylight behind Tescos.