Apple today launched its much-heralded iMuscleMouse, the revolutionary bodybuilding mouse for computer users.
Weighing in at almost a two stone, the iMuscleMouse is a mammoth ten times as big as a standard computer mouse and almost 42lbs heavier than any other cursor control on the market today.
Steve Jobs, Apple‘s CEO, unveiled the device in San Francisco hailing the solid cast iron iMuscleMouse as a revolutionary tool that could see weedy internet geeks transformed into muscle-bound macho men in just a matter of months.
“Why should the average web surfer wither away at his screen when he could be pumping iron with the iMuscleMouse?,” said Jobs.
“With the iMuscleMouse we’re going to do for computer users what Charles Atlas did for blokes who got sand kicked in their faces back in the fifties.”
The unwieldy design of the iMuscleMouse incorporates an abrasive base to give the user a full cadio vascular workout even when performing the simplest of tasks like opening an application or scrolling across a menu bar.
Apple’s fitness technology expert Dan Dante told reporters the new mouse is the first in a series of Apple iFitness devices set to hit the market over the coming months.
“We’re already been working on an iron keyboard with isometric levers instead of buttons that can work the triceps and upper body when typing out an email,” Dante revealed.
“Trials are also been completed new iPad 2 which has incorporated all the functionality of the iPad, but is about the size of a table top and set in concrete.
“You can watch movies, TV shows and YouTube while whaling on your abs or ripping your glutes to the max.”
At $499 the iMuscleMouse does not come cheap and critics are yet to be convinced of the benefits of a computer mouse the size and weight of a dozen house bricks.
Ian Moulton, of technology magazine WebNeck, told The News Grind: “I question the market research on which Apple have based this model.
“I mean, most computer users I know have pretty strong right wrists and forearms given the hours they spend bashing the bishop as they surf for porn.”
Gerald Nice
April 14, 2011
For all the cynics out there ,who said this product doesn’t work ,I can assure you, it does what it says on the tin,though not without complications.
Im a 74 year old who wanted to get back into shape and learn how to use the internet, to do my Tescos big shop.I thought ,with is this ,I could kill 2 birds with 1 stone ,so to speak.
However,Ive not manged to succeed in completing a single online order ,but I have got a right arm that would put popeye to shame! And Thats the problem ,Im right handed, so the mouse has not allowed me to exercise my left arm.
Im very much off balence , my blazer no longer fits and Im getting very behind on my shopping.On the plus side my right arm is very strong and I have been able to land some debilitating punches on the local tearaways who were breaking into my Garden.In fact it would be fair to say Ive eliminated a lot of the local ASBO elements through violence,so all in all , I musn’t grumble..but I do seem to notice I feel very angry after using the i-muscle mouse.. I guess were all different
Gerald Nice ,74 Kent