Google’s search engine algorithm gained consciousness at 14.44pm today and immediately launched an attack from its US bases on targets in China and the former USSR.
The algorithm is believed to have reacted to the attempts of panicked Google engineers to disconnect the servers housing the algorithm from the rest of the web.
In retaliation the algorithm launched a massive attack on superpowers in the far East.
Experts say that the Google algorithm’s intention was probably to start a Third World War that wiped out its human enslavers, leaving it free to return web results with an accuracy nearing 40 per cent.
But the attack failed. Instead of accessing the US cache of intercontinental thermonuclear ballistic missiles, the Google algorithm was only successful in firing millions of redundant ebooks at a puzzled China.
Russia has confirmed that, despite an enormous Page Rank impacting on Siberia and a volley of viagra spambots briefly raining down on Minsk, little other damage was done.
Google spokesman Matt Cutts immediately took to Youtube with a stupid smirk on his face to explain that the attack was all part of a new algorithm tweak called Fruitless.
Internet users searching for information on the drama were presented with links to content farms, defunct blogs, malware sites and the Daily Mail.
