Pic by slack12, some rights reserved
Apple today unveiled a new iPhone application that lets the world know when you’re having a shit, writes Crispin Fisher.
The innovative iPoo iPhone app sends texts to all your contacts and automatic updates to social networking sites, like Facebook and Twitter, every time your backside touches a toilet seat.
Using the sophisticated geolocation technology inside the iPhone, iPoo can measure the exact dropping trajectory of a typical user’s squatting action and instantly alert any number of contacts when a toilet break is being observed.
Apple believe the app will bring an end to the annoyance of interrupted bowel movements. Bosses say they are responding to unprecedented public demand.
Greg Phelps, a Suffolk property developer, said: “It’s the answer to my prayers. There’s nothing more annoying than sitting down to enjoy a nice long dump only to find the bloody estate agents ringing you up.
“I mean, you can only deal with one shit at a time, can’t you?”
The application intercepts incoming calls and diverts them to a special voice mail message which tells callers that you are spending a penny.
The iPoo app also plays soothing mood music which has been specifically chosen because it helps the bowels relax, allowing for, as Apple boss Steve Jobs told shareholders in a statement released last night “a smoother, more satisfying, dump.”
Jobs added: “If there’s the expected take up of the application further work will be carried out to develop apps that stop you from being disturbed in all sorts of personal situations.”
These are understood to include the iShag to alert people to when you’re making love, the iWank for habitual masturbators and, for those who use their iPhone as a vibrator the sophisticated iStickmyphoneupmyarseforkicks iPhone application.
(photo by slack12, some rights reserved)
