The Duchess of Cambridge has accepted an invitation from the England and Wales Cricket Board to become patron of the ECB and to open the batting for England.
Cricket chiefs see Kate Middleton as the ideal patron for the game because she is young, vibrant and a hell of a lot better against left arm spin than Kevin Pietersen.
An ECB spokesman said: “She’s a role model to millions and after the Pakistan batting debacle we could do with a change of emphasis. Why not send someone out to bat who’s at least pleasant to look at?
“Stuff it, let’s get her sister in the side too. I’d rather watch their backsides disappearing into the pavilion with duck than the procession of England rear ends we’re being subjected to now.”