Today’s football transfer rumours featuring Sunderland, Bolton, Orlando City, Blackburn Rovers and Young Boys.
Kevin Davies, the owner of the biggest backside in football, is set to join Sunderland from Bolton on a loan deal until the end of the season.
Sunderland are looking to add some beef to their frontline and manager Martin O’Neill is keen on the man dubbed “The Porkster from South Yorkshire”.
A chilled out O’Neill said: “We need a target man and there is no bigger target than Kevin’s backside, man.”
In related news, Sunderland’s team coach is being fitted with a new suspension and reinforced seats.
John Rooney, brother of Wayne, has signed for Orlando City in Florida from the New York Red Bulls.
Florida is famous for its retired population and it is thought that John, 21, will also work as a scout for his brother.
Finally, Blackburn are close to signing defender Scott Sutter from Young Boys of Bern. Headline writers around the country are trembling with excitement at the thought of so many mildly amusing and offensive puns.
But here at the Daily Stir, we refuse to stoop that low.
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