Chelsea are not willing to meet the £83m asking price for Porto striker Hulk, because every time he scores it will cost them thousands more.
The Brazilian has a unique celebration routine involving ripping off his clothes, tipping over cars and chewing bricks.
A Chelsea spokesman said: “£83m is a fraction of the total cost once you factor in that kind of destruction. If he tips just a couple of cars in the car park, you can imagine the cost to repair the damage will be incredible.”
No-one is yet sure if Fernando Torres shares the same celebration routine.
Meanwhile, Chelsea are ready to sign Belgian midfielder Kevin de Bruyne from Genk. The £8m purchase will represent a significant challenge in the category of “player with the biggest differential of coolness between first name and surname”.
The current holder is Nigel de Jong of Manchester City.
Finally, Liverpool coat-wearer Kenny Dalglish has sarcastically told Roberto Mancini that if Manchester City have any more players “like Craig Bellamy” then they will gladly take them off their hands.
Mancini appears to be having the last laugh, however, as Shaun Goater, Ali Benarbia and Danny Mills are all currently being packaged up, ready to be sent along the M62 by a giggling Mancini.
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