Sunderland‘s unsettled midfielder Craig Gardner has confirmed he is feeling homesick for Birmingham, much to the bemusement of anyone who has been there.
“I miss the smell of burning tyres and the simmering threat of violence. I hate the smell of the sea up here and being surrounded by countryside is unsettling. I wouldn’t know how to defend myself if confronted by a rabbit,” said Gardner.
A spokesman for the Sunderland Tourist Board has come up with an idea to help the player fit. “Has he thought about moving to Hendon?”
Meanwhile, Harry Redknapp continues to inflate the asking price for Spurs‘ Gareth Bale in an attempt to discourage potential suitors.
“The goal against Man City put another £10m on him, he’s now worth £160m.”
Bale is now worth more than most European countries and if he represents Team GB at the Olympics this summer he will be the third most expensive thing in London, behind the Olympic stadium itself and Boris Johnson’s private, gold plater, bullet-proof, oik-resistant bathroom.
Finally, Liverpool are considering a move for Nigel Reo-Coker following the Bolton skipper’s explosive confrontation with Craig Bellamy.
“Nigel has said he has virtually no respect for Craig, which is a lot more than most people have for Craig. So we thing they might end friends and work well together in midfield,” said no one to nobody at all.
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