England manager Fabio Capello has quit as boss of the England football team to pursue his dream of managing footballers on a professional basis.
Capello resigned after a meeting with FA chairman David Bernstein in which he cited a desire to spend less time with his family or in corporate hospitality suites at Premier League matches and more time doing actual work.
An FA statement was delivered by an official who was clearly worse for wear, sporting a party hat and covered in streamers. Loud music could be heard eminating from the home of English football.
The statement read: “After consulting our lawyers and checking that there wasn’t some kind of pay off clause, we are deli … isappointed to announce that Fabio Capello has tendered his resignation as England manager.
“We have accepted Fabio Capello’s resignation and he will leave with immediate effect., if not sooner.
“Through gritted teeth the board would like to thank Fabio Capello for his tremendous ‘work’. And we sincerely hope the door doesn’t hit him on the arse on the way out.”
The FA – who have taken a strong stance against racism – will now look to appoint anyone as long as he isn’t a bloody foreigner.