The city of Liverpool has followed the example set by Kenny Dalglish and Luis Suarez to finally apologise for a string of Merseyside-related abhorrences including Joey Barton, Derek Acorah and TV sitcom Bread.
Liverpool is also sorry to have inflicted Steven Gerrard, Edwina Currie, Ken Dodd and a long list of other famous names on the world.
“It’s time to clear the decks,” read a Liverpool City Council press release.
“We have so much for which we should say sorry and it is our hope that we can draw a line under the last few hundred years of the city’s history and move on.
“Desperate Scousewives, Dead Or Alive, the accent too – we’re so sorry about all of this.”
The city refuses to acknowledge that Nigel Lythgoe, Coleen Rooney or Peter Reid are Scouse and therefore will not be apologising for them.
But some Liverpudlians have hit back at the council’s stance. The Scouse Culture Group says Liverpool has been unfairly treated by the Press and “everyone for that matter.”
Both members agree that the city is a cultural melting pot with a global outlook .
“There is no prejudice in this city,” said the group’s co-president, treasurer, social media strategist and spokesperson for rural affairs Eunace Cottier.
“We welcome everyone and discriminate against no-one on the basis of where they are born or their personal views.
“I mean, who do you think we are – Manchester?”