Donkey Burrito, who has been linked with a switch to Premier League Blackpool.
Argentina boss Diego Maradona tried to select a 13-year-old donkey for his World Cup squad, the News Grind can exclusively reveal.
But the drug cheat’s attempt to name 26-goal Burrito ahead of Carlos Tevez was blocked by FIFA, sparking a furious reaction from Maradona.
“We can win this tournament with our eyes closed,” he said at his breakfast press conference, held at 2.30pm.
“I told my 31-year-old blonde girlfriend – who is totally fit by the way – that we could win it with an ass up front. So I picked Burrito.”
But under FIFA rules it is illegal for a national side to field a donkey – a law which also ended Darren Bent’s hopes of a World Cup call-up for England.
Burrito is no ass when it comes to finding the back of the net. In 43 games for Argentinian side River Plate last season he notched 26 goals and was named Primera Division Young Player of The Season.
“He’s outstanding and I fancied him. Not like that. I am totally into girls – yeah, mmmm lovely sexy girls. I mean he’s a good player.” said Maradona.
A FIFA spokeman said: “The rules are clearly stated in 5-point print at the bottom of page 1,726 of the World Cup rules manual (volume six, thirteenth edition).”
“It reads: ‘No parrots, dogs, rats or chaffinches can be selected in a World Cup squad. And definitely no donkeys. Oh, and you must have three goalkeepers’.”
But Maradona was incensed by FIFA’s stance, and threatened to leave his post as Argentina coach in protest.
“I choose the team. Me. And I like to have a laugh. Did anyone stop me when I selected Jonas Guitierrez at right back? No.
“So why can’t I choose Burrito, who has been doing the business on pitches all over Argentina?
“It’s a load of bull.”
But a sleeping Maradona was calmed into backtracking on his quit threat by two special visitors.
“I had a vision. I saw the Virgin Mary on a see-saw with Justin Bieber.
“Justin told me that all these FIFA clowns were just trying to stand in my way. To ignore them and move on. To win the World Cup for Argentina.
“Then Mary told me to take the Hand of God off my privates.”
Burrito’s agent said his player was bitterly disappointed, but is concentrating on his football and a potential move to the English Premier League.
Blackpool are said to be interested in signing the striker.
Hipolito M. Patio
July 28, 2010
I think sacking maradona was the right thing, I am biased though as I’m british lol