Fifa president Sepp Blatter has been revealed as the world’s richest man.
Within seconds of announcing that Russia had won the right to host the 2018 World Cup, Mr Blatter remarkably made it to number one in the Times Rich List.
“Pure coincidence,” said his private secretary last night, as rumours spread of bungs and improper conduct.
“Mr Blatter is an honourable man.
“I have heard rumours that Mr Blatter has the ear of the Russian mafia. Absolute rubbish. They have his ear in a jar and his family in an underground bunker.”
Mr Blatter’s stock rose further when Qatar was revealed as the surprise host of the 2022 competition.
The oil-rich nation has become a favourite holiday destination for the chief of football’s world governing body.
Mr Blatter recently inherited 42,000 camels in the Middle East state from a long-lost uncle on his mother’s side.