Andy Murray waves goodbye to British tennis, again…
The head of the Lawn Tennis Association has announced radical plans for the future of the game, following the disastrous showing by British players at this year’s Wimbledon, writes Nigel Eels.
Dave Sprigg told the News Grind: “It’s quite clear we’re rubbish – so as of this weekend, we’re giving up.”
According to Sprigg, the LTA will cease to exist and players like Laura Robson, Alex Bogdanovich and Elena Baltacha will be encouraged to get proper jobs.
“We are not for one minute suggesting these young people give up sport entirely,” he said. “Laura and Elena would make first class lifeguards at their local swimming pool, while I can imagine Alex could take up darts or something like that.
“But as far as tennis goes – well, let’s face it: Alex was knocked out by the 573rd-ranked player in the world, a multiple amputee from Afghanistan who has never played tennis in his life.”
It’s understood that world number three Andy Murray will be given American citizenship and £300 to just go away.
“To listen to him talk you’d think he was American anyway,” Sprigg said.
Meanwhile the new £7 million roof over Wimbledon Centre Court has been branded a “complete waste of money” after a rain-free fortnight at the All England Club.
And last night there were calls for the state-of-the-art sliding roof to be removed, just a year after it was fitted.
Edward Monkley, who captained the British Davis Cup team in the 1930s, told the News Grind: ‘There was all that palaver about that roof going up – and for what? They never used it once.
“When I think how that £7 million could have been squandered on producing another non-achieving generation of British no-hopers, instead of being squandered on a roof that nobody needs, it makes me weep.”
