Jeremy Clarkson crushed to death by massive gilt-edged pension
Jeremy Clarkson has been crushed to death by a falling pension, just hours after his controversial BBC One Show appearance, writes Hard Jackson. The car-driving autocue-reader was leaving BBC Television Centre when an…
David Starkey: ‘I’m not racist – some of my best slaves are black’
Enoch Powell admirer David Starkey has laughed off claims he is a racist, out-of-touch twat. The Cambridge-educated historian says he did not mean to cause offence with comments that rioters were mimicking black…
Sky buys rights to your children’s treasured moments
Sky has bough the exclusive right to own and broadcast your children’s most beautiful moments, including birth, laughter and first steps, writes Hard Jackson. The satellite broadcaster has struck a multi-trillion pound deal…
Kelvin MacKenzie evolves into poisonous slug
Kelvin MacKenzie has evolved into the next stage of his evolutionary cycle, according to his spokesman, and has now advanced to become a new form of highly poisonous slug, writes Hard Jackson. MacKenzie…
Super-injunction shock: Woman has sex with Andrew Marr
The entertainment world was left reeling today over revelations someone actually had an affair with BBC presenter Andrew Marr. The Plug-faced former political editor went public to admit he took out a High…
House in Hartlepool looks like Tom Baker
Following the discovery of a council house in Swansea that resembles Adolf Hitler, a second house that resembles a familiar face has been found in Hartlepool – the house that looks like Tom Baker
Turd on a turntable to replace axed My Family, say BBC
A steaming pile of animal excrement rotating slowly on a potter’s wheel is to replace TV sitcom My Family, the BBC revealed today. The rotating faeces is seen as the ideal like-for-like alternative…
Japan disaster – now it’s Godzilla!
Tsunami-hit Japan is facing a new deadly threat from the sea, writes Nigel Eels. For there is now every chance that Godzilla will attack the stricken mainland, wreaking havoc and destroying all in…
Top Gear gets gay makeover
Top Gear trio Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May will be replaced by gay stars in a bid to reverse the show’s politically incorrect image, writes Crispin Fisher. The News Grind understands…
