Census saliva being used to create secret DNA database
Civil rights campaigners claim the Government will introduce a DNA database by collecting saliva and fingerprints from National Census forms, writes Crispin Fisher. Returned forms will be swabbed and the information collected will…
Painter and decorator takes year out
Matt Cardle, a painter and decorator from Essex, is taking a break from his day job to enjoy up to twelve months as a professional singer. Cardle, 27, won this year’s X Factor,…
Vacuous Big Brother winners to be fired through Hadron Collider
The former winning contestants battling it out in the Ultimate Big Brother house will be brought to the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva, accelerated to a velocity just shy of the speed of…
Everybody told: Wake up now – it’s all a dream
Newcastle United’s 6-0 win over Aston Villa provided final proof that Britain is experiencing a dangerous collective dream and must wake up now, say experts. The evidence has been there for months –…
Jade Goody resurrected for final Big Brother
Sick Channel Four bosses have sanctioned the return of deceased reality TV star Jade Goody for the last ever series of Big Brother. Goody, who shot to fame in the house in 2002…
