Cheryl Cole signs on the dole
Jobseekers in West London nearly dropped their smartphones when they spotted pop star and former X-Factor judge Cheryl Cole waiting to sign on the dole, writes Crispin Fisher. Steve Cooper, who was sat…
Babestation deal for dumped Cheryl Cole
X Factor star Cheryl Cole’s Geordie accent may have flopped in the US, but things are looking up for the Babestation-bound singer back home. Cheryl’s Geordie twang has been pinpointed by scientists as…
Cheryl Cole tattoo artist suffered dislocated penis
THE artist who worked 11 straight hours on Cheryl Cole’s arse tattoo suffered a ruptured manhood during the procedure, it was revealed today. “It was the most excruciating 11 hours of my life,”…
Matt Cardle Christmas number one ‘better than four minutes of silence’
X Factor musical genius Matt Cardle claimed the Christmas number one spot, proving his debut single is better than nothing – literally. Cardle sold 493,000 copies of When We Collide, a cover version…
Painter and decorator takes year out
Matt Cardle, a painter and decorator from Essex, is taking a break from his day job to enjoy up to twelve months as a professional singer. Cardle, 27, won this year’s X Factor,…
US believed Cheryl Cole’s Geordie accent posed terrorist threat
The latest Wikileaks revelations show US intelligence agents feared Cheryl Cole’s Geordie accent posed a credible threat to national security, writes Crispin Fisher. CIA staff spent months decoding some of the X Factor…
X Factor reject Wagner is Cheryl’s dad
Cheryl Cole is in a state of shock after learning that eccentric former X Factor contestant Wagner is her biological father, writes Crispin Fisher. The discovery came to light when police carried out…
Louis Walsh creates Wagner X Factor votes factory
Louis Walsh has secretly set-up Europe’s biggest call centre to ensure Wagner wins in the X Factor – and help boost the Irish economy. The dwarfish music mogul has created 13,000 jobs at…
Cheryl Cole is new face of Marmite
Striking Cheryl Cole has scored another mega money deal in the wake of her X Factor fake tan fiasco by becoming the new face of Marmite, writes Crispin Fisher. Marmite makers Unilever are…
Radical cleric Abu Hamza escapes extradition by singing acoustic version of Lady Gaga hit
The European Court of Human Rights has ordered the halt to the extradition to the US on terror charges of Abu Hamza Al-Masri after hearing him sing one Lady Gaga’s biggest pop hits….
