Scotland independence row: Who gets The Krankies?
The future of Scotland could hinge on the outcome of a tug of war between the UK government and politicians north of the border over ownership of comedy duo The Krankies. Prime Minister David…
Candid David Cameron urges nation to “get shit-faced” this New Year
Prime Minister David Cameron used his New Year message to the nation to advise everyone to drink themselves stupid tonight “as it’s going to be another miserable year for the economy.” Nursing what…
Cameron moves on from Eurozone woes with plan to rebuild British Empire
David Cameron will announce an ambitious plan to put Britain back on the map of world powers after the Christmas recess. The Prime Minister wants to invade several countries, virtually enslave their population…
Liam Fox admits defeat over conjoined twin excuse
Defence secretary Liam Fox has conceded that he is not joined at the hip to former best man Adam Werrity. Dr Fox, who has been struggling to explain his Tweedle Dee and Tweedle…
Cameron: ‘Rioters need a good, hard seeing to’
Prime Minister David Cameron has said rioting Britons simply need to be ‘bent over and given a good, hard seeing to.’ He has promised to ‘sort out’ 120,000 problem families in the UK…
May wants police chief with macho name
Home Secretary Theresa May has laid out the criteria for appointing a new Met Police Commission – and anyone called Tim or Hugh won’t stand a chance, writes Crispin Fisher Clint Fleischer. May…
Rioters offered free grouse costumes
Police have extended an olive branch to rioters intent on looting shops in London, Birmingham and other UK cities by issuing free grouse costumes. Lifelike outfits have been distributed in troubled London boroughs…
Sovereign debt crisis: Cameron faced ‘biggest decision of his life’
David Cameron and George Osborne faced tough decisions today upon waking to learn that the eurozone sovereign debt crisis was threatening to plunge the world economy into a great depression – potentially wiping…
Devil offers backing to Cameron and coalition
Satan has hit back at the Archbishop of Canterbury – who criticised the coalition government – by pledging his ‘unending support’ for David Cameron. Beezlebub – who served as UK Prime Minister between…
