Jeremy Kyle buys 1,000 new souls
In a rapid expansion of his soul-purchasing sideline, Jeremy Kyle has invested in the eternal, undying spirits of 1,000 new unfortunates, writes Hard Jackson. In return for cheap television sets, smartphones and Sky…
Sovereign debt crisis: Cameron faced ‘biggest decision of his life’
David Cameron and George Osborne faced tough decisions today upon waking to learn that the eurozone sovereign debt crisis was threatening to plunge the world economy into a great depression – potentially wiping…
Sky buys rights to your children’s treasured moments
Sky has bough the exclusive right to own and broadcast your children’s most beautiful moments, including birth, laughter and first steps, writes Hard Jackson. The satellite broadcaster has struck a multi-trillion pound deal…
Piers Morgan realises he is a twat
Former tabloid journalist and TV personality Piers Morgan is in turmoil after realising he is a twat, writes Hard Jackson. The despised celebrity is understood to have suffered a moment of clarity while…
Kelvin MacKenzie evolves into poisonous slug
Kelvin MacKenzie has evolved into the next stage of his evolutionary cycle, according to his spokesman, and has now advanced to become a new form of highly poisonous slug, writes Hard Jackson. MacKenzie…
Charlie Sheen’s ‘winning’ catchphrase appropriated by losers
Charlie Sheen’s ‘Winning’ catchphrase is being widely misused by losers all over the world, The News Grind’s Hard Jackson can reveal. Despite being at the eye of a colossal nervous breakdown, Sheen is…
House in Hartlepool looks like Tom Baker
Following the discovery of a council house in Swansea that resembles Adolf Hitler, a second house that resembles a familiar face has been found in Hartlepool – the house that looks like Tom Baker
Cameron to bum Clegg
In a further expression of the closeness between the two coalition party leaders, David Cameron will ceremonially bum Nick Clegg in a £500-per-ticket spectacular at the Mansion House this Summer, writes Hard Jackson….
Local man quite impressed by latest organised crime drama from HBO
Local man Paddy Stem was quite impressed by the first episodes of Boardwalk Empire, the latest organised crime drama by HBO directed by Martin Scorsese and starring Steve Buscemi as a prohibition-era gangster,…
