Report: Majority of gym workout spent untangling headphone wires
Unravelling tangled headphone cords accounts for 56% of the time taken up during gym workouts, a new health study has found. Researchers at Cambridge University also found unnecessarily long recovery drink breaks made up…
Health researchers successfully extract pleasure from eating
Health experts have found conclusive evidence that a diet heavy in red meat such as bacon sandwiches with extra crispy fat is bad for you, for the 178th time this year. Researchers at…
Eating free Michael Morpurgo children’s books now healthiest Happy Meal option at McDonald’s
The low salt and fat content of children’s books given away by fast food restaurant McDonald’s are officially the healthiest option in the Happy Meal range, a report has revealed. Eating just one chapter…
Brazil banana shock: Scotsman buys fruit
Health chiefs in Scotland are today celebrating a major breakthrough after a man from Glasgow bought a banana. The unidentified Scotland supporter is believed to be the first Scotsman this year to buy…
Cigarettes to be sold in plain 300lb concrete blocks to curb smoking
A packet of 20 cigarettes is to be sold encased in 300 pounds of industrial concrete as part of a package of measures to discourage smoking. Health Secretary Andrew Lansley said “glitzy designs…
Amusement value of fat people far outweighs cost, say ambulance chiefs
The hilarity of watching fat people falling in and out of ambulances and breaking hospital beds is worth the extra expense, health chiefs revealed today. “The sight of a 30 stone fat man…
Britain’s teen sex health problems wiped out by animated condom in fighter pilot goggles
Doctors and a nation of anxious parents last night thanked cartoon condom Beer Goggles Johnny for eradicating the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. The hilarious animated prophylactic, sporting fighter pilot goggles and carrying…
