Your stars: Libra
Cliff Richard sang Wired For Sound while tottering uneasily on a pair of rollerskates in the eighties but he cut a sad and rather pathetic figure. Let that be a lesson to you,…
Your stars: Virgo
You’re often accused of being apathetic, Virgo, but do you really care? A message written in Urdu found in the middle of a sliced beef tomato may not be clear to everyone but…
Your stars: Leo
Although you probably don’t feel like it, giving the house a spring clean is a good idea. Especially in your case, Leo. Your house is a disgrace. It’s the talk of the street,…
Your stars: Cancer
At this time of year you may feel like cutting out the calories in a bid to look good for the summer. Don’t bother. Get yourself down to one of those eat-all-you-can places. All…
Your stars: Gemini
It’s all going swimmingly one minute and the next it’s all shot to bits. Still, liven things up on Friday by sitting your partner down, telling them there’s something they should know about…
Your stars: Taurus
A secret secret admirer will make himself known this week, which is great if you’re a single lady but not so great if you’re a married man. A yellow dot squashball comes into…
Your stars: Aries
A brush with an agonising death - while shopping - on Wednesday morning will help focus your mind but it will make remembering what you want to buy a lot more difficult. Don’t forget a lime. Lucky…
Your stars: Pisces
Jupiter and Uranus are heading for confrontation in the constellation of Ursa major. For Christ’s sake run, we’re all doomed. Sorry, I seem to have overreacted there. It’s more of a metaphorical thing,…
Your stars: Aquarius
It’s a great month for giving birth, Aquarius, especially if you’ve been pregnant for the past eight or nine months. If you’re planning a get-together make sure you remember to invite them. You’re…
