Labour ‘annoyed’ as Miliband exposed as a bioengineered humanoid
The Labour leadership race was last night in turmoil after bookies’ favourite David Miliband was exposed as a Replicant, writes Nigel Eels. Mr Miliband had been giving a speech to party activists in…
SECRET AUDIO TAPE … Hardline union chief Bob Crow just wants to be tickled
Militant union leader Bob Crow says he will call off threatened strike action – if Jennifer Aniston will tickle his feet with an ostrich feather, writes Nigel Eels. The RMT hardliner, who aims…
N-Dubz star Dappy’s fury as Pakistania charity single is ditched
Plans to release a charity record in aid of the Pakistan flood victims have been scrapped – after an appeal by over four million Pakistani flood victims, writes Nigel Eels. The single,…
Shaggy manhunt: the final hours
A manhunt lasting three days and involving more than 800 police officers and FBI agents ended in the early hours of this morning when cartoon sleuth Shaggy took his own life, writes Nigel…
Scooby gang sensation: FBI launch Shaggy manhunt
The search for missing teen sleuths the Scooby gang took a dramatic twist last night after FBI investigators launched a state-wide manhunt for Shaggy, writes Nigel Eels in Dilton, Colorado. Search teams have…
Fears grow for Scooby gang as FBI hunt draws a blank
Police and FBI agents have widened their search for the Scooby Doo gang after they disappeared without a trace at a supposedly haunted gold mine, writes Nigel Eels in Dilton, Colorado. The four…
Gazza was lined up to be WMD in Moat doomsday scenario
Former footballer Paul Gascoigne, fitted with a nuclear warhead with the killing power of six Hiroshimas, was part of a Northumbria Police doomsday scenario in the hunt for crazed gunman Raoul Moat, writes…
Moat – are vowels to blame?
Gunman Raoul Moat may have launched a bloody spree after overdosing on vowels, writes Nigel Eels. Experts now believe the key to why he could have flipped may lie in his name. Last…
Wimbledon fallout: Andy Murray sold to US after LTA is scrapped
The head of the Lawn Tennis Association has announced radical plans for the future of the game, following the disastrous showing by British players at this year’s Wimbledon, writes Nigel Eels. Dave Sprigg…
Ailing local newspapers told: Diversify or die
Local newspapers should double up as post offices and drop-in centres for the elderly, according to a new report, writes Nigel Eels. Meanwhile journalists and sub-editors on regional titles should be retrained to…
