Wayne Rooney’s 120-goal Man Utd target for season
Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney says he aims to score 120 goals for the Red Devils this term – thanks to dreadlock hair extensions. The in-form striker has netted hat-tricks in two successive games…
Wayne Rooney is new face of Buckfast
Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney has bounced back after losing his Coca Cola sponsorship deal by becoming the new face of Scottish national drink Buckfast. The England star was dropped by the makers…
Furious FA chiefs brand F-word Wayne Rooney a blithering nincompoop
FA chiefs last night re-issued their list of acceptable swearwords to head off another Wayne Rooney F-word outburst this weekend. The emergency list was sent to all 20 Premier League clubs within hours…
Mick Hucknall apologises to all the girls he didn’t manage to bed
Simply Red frontman Mick Hucknall has said ‘sorry’ to all the women in Britain he will never sleep with after calling time on his career between the sheets, writes Crispin Fisher. The Manchester-born…
The truth about Wayne Rooney’s injury woe and visit to strippers
Manchester United and England striker Wayne Rooney has found himself in hot water after a trip to see some strippers – but these girls were offering hot wax, rather than hot sex… The…
Wayne Rooney signs new 5 year deal with Manchester United
It has been confirmed that Wayne Rooney will be staying with Sir Alex Ferguson at Manchester United for another 5 years with him signing a new multi-million pound contract. But the morning after…
Charlie Sheen favourite to land Celebrity Dad of the Year honour
Actor Charlie Sheen has filed for divorce in a desperate bid to win the coveted Celebrity Dad of the Year contest. Sheen, star of US TV comedy Two and a Half Men, moved…
Wayne Rooney’s £250,000-a-week Manchester United mega-deal includes slipper-fetching clause
Manchester United star Wayne Rooney will be expected to fetch club owner Malcolm Glazer’s slippers between his teeth and chase cats from his garden as part of his new five-year deal. The 24-year-old…
Wayne Rooney: I should have joined Newcastle not Man Utd
Wayne Rooney broke his silence over his shock transfer request to reveal his hooker-shagging talents would have been appreciated more by Newcastle United. “They may be shit at football up there,” the wantaway…
Ghostly figure spotted on Wembley pitch
Thousands of fans viewing Tuesday’s match between England and Montenegro in HD claim to have spotted a ghostly presence on the pitch, writes Crispin Fisher. Spooked supporters bombarded the switchboard at ITV claiming…
