Swan Vesta launch combustible Kate Middleton and William effigies
Matchmakers Swan Vesta have come under fire after launching a range of explosive Kate Middleton and William action figures for the Royal Wedding. Critics claim the combustible souvenirs are being aimed at the…
BNP leader Nick Griffin to make a fresh start as a woman
Far right politician Nick Griffin is to give up politics and undergo a gender reassignment operation, writes Crispin Fisher. At a meeting of the BNP’s executive committee Griffin claimed he had become disillusioned…
Cheryl Cole tattoo artist suffered dislocated penis
THE artist who worked 11 straight hours on Cheryl Cole’s arse tattoo suffered a ruptured manhood during the procedure, it was revealed today. “It was the most excruciating 11 hours of my life,”…
‘Ringo’ minister fights to demolish Simon Cowell’s old home
Housing Minister Grant Shapps has stepped up his fight to preserve the UK’s cultural heritage by demanding the destruction of X Factor judge Simon Cowell’s childhood home. After calling on Liverpool City Council…
Daily Mail fury over raunchy X Factor images causes more raunchy X Factor images in Daily Mail
The Daily Mail has launched an astonishing attack on the Daily Mail after it continued to print lewd images of X Factor stars Rihanna and Christina Aguilera. After calling on the media watchdog…
Matt Cardle Christmas number one ‘better than four minutes of silence’
X Factor musical genius Matt Cardle claimed the Christmas number one spot, proving his debut single is better than nothing – literally. Cardle sold 493,000 copies of When We Collide, a cover version…
Painter and decorator takes year out
Matt Cardle, a painter and decorator from Essex, is taking a break from his day job to enjoy up to twelve months as a professional singer. Cardle, 27, won this year’s X Factor,…
Wandsworth prison to open VIP Wing
The governor of Wandsworth prison in London has drawn up plans to create a VIP wing after a tidal wave of high-profile new arrivals, writes Crispin Fisher. Under the plans prisoners…
Met Office issues urgent end of snow moan warning to UK
The whining British public is being warned the big freeze will end soon, leaving millions of miserable Brits with without their biggest moan in months. “We are heading for a moaning drought across…
US believed Cheryl Cole’s Geordie accent posed terrorist threat
The latest Wikileaks revelations show US intelligence agents feared Cheryl Cole’s Geordie accent posed a credible threat to national security, writes Crispin Fisher. CIA staff spent months decoding some of the X Factor…
